i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
