my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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