Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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