Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
