If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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