capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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