Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
