I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
