in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
