I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
