What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
