I'm really into asian looking animals
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
