Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
