I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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