i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
