i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
