Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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