it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
