I'm so fucking centered right now
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
