He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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