It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I touched a dick in church today
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