Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
