Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
