i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
