she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
