Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
