You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
