Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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