sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need a beard to bite.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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