you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
