o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
