If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
