Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
