I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
