did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
