Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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