When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
