we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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