apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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