They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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