Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
