i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
