I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
