I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
How's work?
Spinning.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
