He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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