Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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