I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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