Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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