I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
handjob tips. give me some.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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