Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
