You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
