i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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