Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
