We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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