Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
