You work out of a Hotel?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
