im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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