i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
