that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
