Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
