how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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