I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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