if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
