I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
